Ahh Springtime....  If florida right now the temps are hitting 80's and Sunny.  Spring breakers are flowing into Daytona and your work week is planned around the weekend beach visit for sunbathing and boobie oogling.  But where am I?   In fucking West Virginia.  Temp this morning was fucking 35 and its not going to hit 50 today. Not much of a rant... just sucks is all :D 

Welp a week ago my father had a mild heart attack  and it was due to smoking.  He is in great health for a man of 55 except for the smoking habit, which he bagan when he was 27. He smoked about two packs aday. Now the heart attack scared the shit out of him and he tossed his cigs and lighter out the window on the way home from the hospital.  Im going to scan his xrays soon and post here as an incentive for any of my blog readers who smoke. Shows a before and after pic.

His arteries to his heart looked like bowties they were cut off so bad. The doc said it was a miracle that he did have a massive attack. He had 4 stints put into the arteries around his heart. A stint is a wire mesh tube that they place into the artery and expand it outward to open the artery up and allow greater bloodflow. They do this by going  into the femeral artery in your leg.  then they run a LONG tube with the stint at the end of it through your body and find the blockage at the heart.  This is done without anesthesia and you can feel it running through your bod. My father said they poke it in there pretty hard each time.

To the blog readers who do smoke. Please cut that shit out. Especially if your young.  Smoking is a stupid habit. What ever reason you started isnt going to mean shit when they are carting you off in an ambulance or tagging your toe. I never started smoking and damn sure am not going to start.

I meant to address this early on :)   Why does COMEDYMAN have teen girls clothing links on his Blog...

well I noticed the demogrpahic here at tblog was mostly female and mostly teens and early 20s so I figured in my ever vigiliant quest for revenue generation ( so I can buy a thesaurus apparently ) I would put up links to clothings stores for what visitors i received.  

So COMEDYMAN isn't a teen girl freak... just wanting their money lol ;)

Ahh the wierd shit flows in my brain.....

If you fart during communion is it a sin?  " The body of christ...BRRRAAAAAPPPPPP!!!!.... the blood of christ..."  thing is Im not even Catholic.

I hear old timers say there's nothing new in the Bible.. I can't remeber the actual saying... but the translation is .. the Bible has everything that will ever be in it.   Thing is if that was the case if Jesus affected so many people like he did his PDA would have been full don't you think.. Im sure someone would have called during the crucifixtion on his cell.. but yet they don't mention that in the Bible.... Preaching on the mount? why didn't he just Email it?

Hmmmm It seems that Catholic priests are a bunch of beauticians as well... because its ok to split hairs about fucking a little choir boy instead of a woman. You know why the " church " outlawed sex ... because these old fucking cardnials couldnt get it up anymore and said .. fuck it.. if im not getting laid NOONE is!!!" 

If there is a God it is proven in the fact that females exist, in my opinion one of the creators best achievements...

Ahh the Mormons..... The "latter day saints"  jesus appeared to the Indians huh.. you think he would have given the heads up WE were showing up.. ya know.  I think it was in the Mormon Book of Steinbrenner that Jesus caught a pop fly in the '74 world series to take the pennant.  That makes about as much sense as any other Mormon teaching.....It's nice that Mormons are allowed the wives thing.. Good religion if you like alotta pussy. Jeez

I know Im down and joking about religion on this one but if God gave us the brains that he did.. don't you think hed want us to use it a little.  Instead people follow blindly the rantings of any random fuck on a pulpit and a little charisma.  The fact that Mormons have any pull as a "religion"  is just extremely absurd.  Now what ever gives you that good feeling in your heart on Sunday ( or Saturday for you 7th Day Adventists ) More power to you. 

me personally I follow the religion of Fuck.....

"God is a fucking nice guy"

"Don't fuck with anyone and do not let anyone fuck with you"

" ask forgiveness when you fuck up"

Pretty simple cut and dry and not a bunch of ritual as in the catholic church or penecostal testing of your faith.

When it comes to your higher power... choose it for yourself... don't be led like sheep.... thats how alotta people get fleeced ;)

ahhh fuck it... the more I thought about it .. I have bigger fish to fry than worry about a confrontation that may or may not happen.... fuck that theiving bastard ;) if he speaks ill just tell him to go fuck himself and continue work lol

Hatred.....

I know I keep a lotta of it inside me... funny with a nick name like Comedyman.   I do enjoy making people laugh, but its just that the people in my life that have fucked me over or fucked over my younger brother i tend carry a hatred for them.

take my cousin that fucked me and my brother over huge and tried to lay the blame of a failed biz on our laps when he was coking up and stealing the cash.... now I really hate this cocksucker... hes not even blood to me and I really do not care if he lives or he dies.

But possibly tomorrow and for a few weeks I will be working and possibly be in his vicinity more than once... now I have avoided confrontation with this prick, to the point of avoiding my grandparents since he is a constant visitor there, since 1997.

I have played out this potential meeting in my head a thousand times... each one ending me in handcuffs unfortunately... I can't bring myself to be the better man here and let shit drop. I mean fuck im 34 .... but Im afraid its not gonna happen.. his fuck over was most vile because he did it to family.

I thought if I would write this out it might help me find a peaceful center to draw on. It has some... but I just know he will say something prickish... I have already told myself I will not goto jail because of this bitch.  He is the sue happy type to boot and would press charges if I even pushed him.  But god forbit he touches me in ANY way.... I am going to scream self defense as I proceed to beat him unconcious... BUT what can ya do? :) just deal with that situation when I come to it.

I do have to work on this hatred thing tho.. I mean its not really hurting anyone but me. No one suffers due me hating them.. they don't feel it so why fucking bother.... I dunno mebbe one day I can alleviate these bullshit negative feelings :)

So If I don't blog for a while you know what happened tomorrow .. I dont think let you blog in jail  lol

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.''
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.''
The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was a drunk and your mom was a prostitute?!''

The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!''

:)

Some things I hate

head games

tuna

wintertime

snow

young punks with their car daddy bought them tearing ass out of a video store parking lot

young punks  ( showing my advanced years ) ( and i was young once but i wasnt a punk )

good women married or attached to fucking useless asshole men
( little side lesson to all the guys here, you know why these beautiful girls get attached to these fucking assholes.... well first the assholes asked them OUT!! and secondly.  Girls dig the confidence level that usually is attached to the asshole personality.  Just that as the relationship progresses girls tire or the assholes antics and selfishness.  So in Short,  you can be the timid sweetheart of a guy, but be a man about it.

people who are cruel to animals for the sake of being cruel  ( if you can hurt a cat or a dog for no reason only  amatter oftime until you graduate to people )

Family members who talk shit behind your back. ( its all good to your face but get around other people and they dog you.  I just found out that when came north and I was staying with my cousin after the Hurricanes last year that it wasnt a few weeks that he was over at his girlfriends family talking shit about me. If he didnt want me staying there he should have just fucking said it to my face and I would have made other arrangements. So much for family loyalty. 

Family members who fuck you over ( that story is so long it isnt even funny, involves another cousin and. Little side lesson there.... don't trust a fucking soul.  If your family will fuck you over, who DO you trust.)

ahhh thats enough venting for one day....better temper this rant witha joke....

a grandfather and a grandson are sitting together on a porch and the grandfather opens up a beer and takes a long swig seeing this as his chance he asks his grandfather hey can i have some of that? well can your dick touch your asshole? the grandfather asks the boy . uhhh no the boy says well then no sunny the grandfather says two days later this happens again and then to weeks then the boy comes back again with a big box of cookies hey can i have one of those son? the grandfather asks . well the grandson panders can your dick touch your asshole? well yes says the granfather reaching for the box the boy pulls it away saying good then go fuck yourself these are my cookies.

:)

And there i was..... shredding documents at Enron and I get a PAPER CUT!!!??? Imagine that!!!

I used to date a cultist with a learning disability... she worshipped SANTA!!!!

I have a unique collection of my own underwear... if you hold them up in a dark room and shine a light through the holes... you can make out constellations....

8 buns to a package but 12 hotdogs... i have to do the math and find the lowest common denominator for this damn cook out!!

If you have sex with a siamese twin joined at the vagina... does that count as a threesome??

if I said you hadda beautiful body... would you lift the restraining order?

I want my own cheering section during sex... and commentators... " Well Bob it looks like hes trying something different this time.. a different maneuver... OHhhh tough break... That's GOTTA hurt!!!".....

I used to have a job as a translator for foriegn mimes.... I would basically shake my head and shurg.... 

If you kidnap someone and hold them for 6 months or more... can you claim them as dependants on your taxes?

I once got pulled over in Candyland... " Sir do you realize how fast you were going?" ... .. " I dunno officer... Blue? "

That is all  :)

Ok Joke for the day :)

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey.

He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little jerk. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves.

Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" "Now what?" asks the patron. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron.

"He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that cue ball he measures everything first!"

:)

Ok this is to the parents and future parents out there......

fucking time outs DO NO WORK!!!!!!

Look busting your kid's ass for being a little shit IS NOT CHILD ABUSE. Its to teach them that there are consequences for fucking up!!!!

I do not know where the ball was dropped on corporal punishment.  I see these little terrors in grocery stores all the time.  running around unchecked causing havok when their "parent" just shops and threatens time outs when they should jerk the child up by his arm and bust his/her ass.  A couple of firm slaps to the behind is more than enough to get the " quit fucking up you unruly progeny" messege across. 

TV shows like Maury always showcase these little "angels" and I just look at the moronic parents who act all " helpless " because their child is telling them to shut up and smacking and hitting.  " Maury I've tried nothing and im all out of ideas. "

Just burns my ass, pardon the pun,  because I got my ass busted for fucking up when i was a kid.  Mind you I wasnt a bad kid, but we all were kids once and we all fuck up every now and again. But it instilled the respect for my parents that is missing today because I knew they would come down on me for transgressions. 

I get so sick and tired of "Bleeding heart" ( You will find Bleeding hearts as a main focus of my rants in the future ) people saying... I wont hit my child.. ever.. it wrong to beat a child. NO its NOT wrong.  Even the Bible Thumpers dont beat their children half the time and its one of the most well known lines IN the Bible... " spare the rod spoil the child ".

Of course that's the paraphrase of the scripture.
"He who spareth the rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him correcteth him betimes" (Proverbs 13:24) and "Withhold not correction from a child: for if thou strike him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and deliver his soul from hell." (Proverbs 23:13-14)

Even God is saying quit letting your little bastards run around in the grocery store like an idiot when Im trying to get my Pop-Tarts. Bust their asses!!!!

That is all :)

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Just when I thought he was getting off  :)

Mikeys has some great lawyers i must say... they are killing the accuser's witnessess left and right.. he's gonna walk on this one I think.

I think Mikey should have been assassinated right after Thriller came out. That way he would be remembered as the greatest pop star ever, not some Ghoulish Plastic surgery reject who just happens to have a penchant for young boys.

I cant see where this...

is somehow more sexually appealing to some dude rather than this.....

....

or this....

Boggles my mind.... sad thing is .. I bought a copy of Thriller when it came out.. so i feel sorta responsible  since my 7.99 back in the day probably paid for 3 minutes of repair work on the Neverland ranch.

Wow  what the hell am I doing up so late??!!

This is what I say to insomnia!!!....

Mebbe Ill watch Adult Swim and fall back to sleep ....

....To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;.....

Lesse what can I rant about today... hmmmm .. ah yes....

Well being the conspiracy therorist that I am I do not look at the world ( IE the news the media  or any "fed" information that I get) at face value.  I suggest you do the same.  Do not take any news that your local or network world news feeds you as gospel.  Try to read between the lines and just ask the question for each news story... why am I being allowed to hear this news?"  and " What purpose does it serve? "   now Im not talking kitten stuck in the tree stories or local cub scout troupe 12's bake sale, I talking the War in Iraq, The Hunt for Bin Laden and other major events.  I think the grazing public has become too content to put their heads to the ground and munch right along.  People need to raise up and take a look at the world around them and not swallow what is fed to them.

Some of you have friends from other countries like Europe and such that you have met online. Ask them what THEIR news says about the U.S.  Remeber we arent the only citizens that get fed news BS. All countries do it.  Open your eyes and do not take anything for granted. The world is too big to box yourself in

that is all :)

OH I guess I had better do a joke... or change my nickname to Lectureman ;) ...

90 year old couple are on their wedding night and at the hotel.  The old woman comes out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a see through nighty. 

She tells the old man " I have to warn you I have acute angina."

The old man replies " That's good because your tits are ugly as HELL!!!"!!!

;)

First off dont type several paragraphs and click the emoticons..... dammit!!!!

;)

Ok my first rant... of many....

I am living in Charleston West Virginia at the moment.  I am originally from Daytona Beach Florida but last year Charlie and Frances decided that they didnt want me down there any more and tore the hell outta everything.  So having some family here I packed up what stuff I had left and moved in with a cousin who was gracious enough to take me in.

Watching the local news here I noticed that crystal meth was a huge problem in the Mountain State.  It is cheap to make and the profit margin is high.  Now to a backwater impoverished state like this the quick creation of meth has to beat the year long tending and hassle of a marijuana crop hands down.

Here is the problem tho.... it seems Jethro and Cleetus just can't help but to blow their HUD subsidised dwellings into the sky because they can't seem to get the volitile mixture right which is neccesary to maintain in meth production. West Virginia's meth problem is slowly converting into a lack of housing problem.  What was the house on the corner with the white picket fence one day is becoming a chemical explosion damaged shell the next.  There isnt a day that goes by that the local news team isn't at the scene of a house fire or a drug raid. The interviews with dumbfounded neighbors with statements like " It didnt look like a meth lab" are almost recordable and replayable on the next days news cast.  I am just amazed at the speed , pardon the pun,  meth has taken over around here.

Thing is you can catch a meth producer pretty easy via the drug stores I would assume. Who in the hell needs 5 bottles of cough syrup in one purchase... ever??!!  NOONE!!!!  You don't need to be a member of Scotland yard or CSI to figure that out... but I AM in West Virginia and I guess the right political officals are getting their payoffs on time or the problem would be non existant.

Damn I wish I was back home....

Ok not too bad for a first rant... I gotta lotta stuff to say. so check back often for my askew views :)

great site  http://www.gifflix.com" title="http://www.gifflix.com" target="_blank"http://www.gifflix.com where I got the Emilio Gif :)

OK so i started this Blog stuff to see what it all was about :)  And to vent and rant....  alot..... :)

SO any and all who read I hope you enjoy  :)